Dear Younger Me…with love from Older Me
Do you ever spend time with your older Self?
Virginia Woolf referred to her older self as ‘Old V’ in her diaries, and this week I’ve brought my own ‘Old E’ to life, in the interesting exercise of writing myself a letter, from me – at 80.
Taking a bit of time to get inside the head of the future you is very different from merely thinking about getting older.
For me the age of 80, though scarcely imminent, isn’t so far in the dim and distant that it’s completely unimaginable. Imagining it is scary, but it’s fruitful too. Will I even get there? Only one of my parents made it into the ninth decade, and that by a hairsbreadth.
Today, I’ll assume that nature will be kind, and fast forward into my older body and mind.
Imagine Yourself at 80
Try it. Sit for a moment, and look at the backs of your hands. How will they look different when you’re 80? Who will you be, years hence? What will be important? And what wisdom does Old You have to share with your younger self?
Le the thoughts settle, then start writing.
Older E turns out to be a force to reckon with. She kicks off: ‘…I’m not “Old E”…I don’t feel old. I’m still not entirely grown up.’
She challenges me to be bold: ‘…don’t wind down, it’s too soon. You know those richly creative dreams that swirl around in your head…do me a favour, dear younger me, and give up playing safe!’
Let Go of Your Censor
When you write your letter from older you, aim for free flow. Write as you’d speak. Your older self will be a lot like the current you in the way they speak and think, so don’t use a voice that doesn’t ring true.
Let your inner thoughts come to the fore. Older E knows I’m afraid of looking stupid – she says:
Write stuff. Never mind what people think. People don’t really care that much about what you do, so get over it!
And she offers me reasons not to be scared: …Lead a rich life – think BIG – give me some lovely excitement and adventure to look back on.
She knows what’s good for me, and admonishes me to keep going: …the meditation, it’s so good for you, for me, for us. Learn to know yourself as well as you can, then maybe I won’t need to make quite so much effort at breaking our painful old patterns of anger and defensiveness because you’ll have done the work for me.
Write to Yourself with Compassion
Don’t use your letter as a chance to berate yourself for any shortcomings. Imagine that you’re writing with love and compassion, to help someone you care for deeply. …what I’m saying here dearest is not here’s a huge to do list, but be kind to yourself and just do your best
You can use your letter to give valuable reminders. Old E insists: Eat wisely and never get above a size 12 – I do NOT want to be matronly.
She advises me to …go easy on the gin, stop being a wuss and get on the bike, go swimming, dance round the kitchen. Have lots of laughs, have fun! It’s up to you whether I’m fit and supple or creaky and cantankerous.
You’re In This Together
Your Older and Younger selves are one and the same, and what younger you does now can have a profound effect on older you’s experience of ageing. Not that Old E likes that ‘ageing’ label. She says:
Keep your zest for life, stay young at heart and never refer to yourself as an old lady – that’s a label reserved for centenarians.
There’s a surprising amount to learn from spending some time with the Future You. Give it a try, and please leave a comment below and tell us what you’ve discovered.